Who’s the loneliest person you know? I bet you’re picturing the wrong person.
The data on loneliness in America is full of surprises. Young adults feel it as much as seniors. Parents feel it more than people without kids. And income predicts loneliness more than almost anything else.
I run this site because the friendship recession is real. And I read a ton of research about it. But when I looked at the actual numbers on who is lonely, it didn’t line up with what I expected.
Young Adults Are Struggling the Most
Most people think loneliness is an old person’s problem. It’s not.
30% of Americans ages 18-34 feel lonely several times a week. That’s from a 2024 American Psychological Association survey. Almost a third of young adults. Every single week.
Loneliness actually peaks twice in life. Once in early adulthood. And again in old age.
37% of adults ages 50-80 say they lack companionship. That comes from a 2023 University of Michigan poll. So older adults feel it too. But young people are right there with them.
This one hit me. I think we assume young people have it easy socially. They don’t.
Money Matters More Than You Think
Loneliness isn’t spread evenly across income levels.
People in households earning less than $24,000 a year are significantly lonelier. That’s from a 2023 Gallup study. It makes sense when you think about it. Socializing costs money. Going to dinner. Joining a gym. Traveling to see friends. Even hosting people at home costs something.
When you’re stressed about rent, friendship drops down the priority list fast.
Race, Ethnicity, and Loneliness
The loneliness gap across racial groups is big.
A Cigna and Morning Consult study found that 75% of Hispanic adults and 68% of Black adults were considered lonely. Compare that to 58% for the general population.
That’s a huge difference. And it points to deeper issues. Systemic inequality, fewer community resources, and less access to social infrastructure all play a role.
LGBT Adults Feel It More
LGBT adults are twice as likely to feel lonely compared to the general population. That’s a striking number.
Social rejection, discrimination, and fewer built-in community spaces all contribute. Many LGBT people move away from their hometowns to find acceptance. But that means leaving behind family and old friends.
Starting over socially is hard for anyone. It’s even harder when you’re doing it out of necessity.
Parents Are Lonelier Than Non-Parents
This one might surprise you the most.
Nearly two-thirds of parents are lonely. That’s more than non-parents. Having kids doesn’t solve loneliness. In many cases it makes things worse.
And it hits moms especially hard. Over half of mothers with young children report serious loneliness according to a 2021 Harvard study. You’re surrounded by little humans all day. But you’re starving for adult conversation.
I’ve heard this from so many parents. They love their kids. But they miss their friends.
The Gender Surprise
Here’s one that goes against the popular narrative.
Men and women report roughly equal levels of loneliness. You hear a lot about the “male loneliness epidemic.” And it’s true that 15% of men say they have no close friends post-pandemic.
But being physically isolated isn’t the same thing as feeling lonely. Women feel it just as much. The experience might look different. But the pain is the same.
Why This All Matters
Loneliness isn’t just a feeling. It’s a health risk.
Researcher Julianne Holt-Lunstad found that lacking social connection is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. We treat smoking like a public health crisis. We should treat loneliness the same way.
And here’s one more thing the research shows. People are happiest when they interact with a variety of different people. Not just close friends. Acquaintances, neighbors, coworkers, and strangers all contribute to wellbeing.
That means every small interaction counts.
What You Can Do
You don’t have to solve loneliness overnight. But you can start small:
- Talk to people outside your inner circle. Chat with the barista. Say hi to your neighbor. Variety of connection matters.
- Check on your parent friends. They’re probably lonelier than they let on. Invite them to something. Even if they cancel, they’ll appreciate the ask.
- Host a small gathering. It doesn’t have to be fancy. I wrote The 2-Hour Cocktail Party to make this easy for anyone.
- Join one group. Any group. A running club, a book club, a volunteer team. The research says joining even one group makes a big difference.
- Reach out to someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Send a text. Make a call. It takes 30 seconds.
The Bottom Line
Loneliness doesn’t discriminate the way we think. It hits young people, parents, minorities, and low-income households especially hard. But it touches almost everyone.
The good news is that small actions help. You don’t need to overhaul your whole social life. Just do one thing today.
If you want to learn more about the friendship recession and what’s behind it, check out my main overview page. And if you’re looking for practical advice, read about the secret to making friends as an adult.
Source: Based on reporting by Allie Volpe for Vox (August 2024), with data from the American Psychological Association, University of Michigan, Gallup, Cigna/Morning Consult, and Harvard.