Most of my friends work in tech. A lot of them didn’t finish college. They started businesses, taught themselves to code, figured it out. So when I read that education level predicts how many friends you have, it didn’t match my world at all.
But the data is clear. People with college degrees have significantly more close friendships than people without degrees. Daniel Cox at the Survey Center on American Life found this. And the gap is growing.
This connects to something I wrote about recently. In my analysis of Join or Die and Bowling Alone, I talked about how churches and unions used to create community. Those institutions are disappearing. And non-college-educated Americans are getting hit the hardest.
The Key Finding
Daniel Cox directs the Survey Center on American Life. His research found something striking. College graduates maintain more close friendships than non-degree holders. This represents a reversal of previous assumptions about the friendship recession.
The gap is real. And it’s growing.
Why College Grads Have More Friends
Cox identified three mechanisms that explain the divide:
1. Employment Stability
College graduates have steadier employment. This sustains workplace friendships over time. When you keep your job, you keep your work friends. Non-degree holders face more job turnover. Every job change means starting over socially.
2. Institutional Participation
Cox says it plainly: “The primary way that people make friends is through institutions.”
College itself builds massive social networks. Clubs. Fraternities. Sports teams. Study groups. These connections persist after graduation. But here’s the problem. If you didn’t go to college, you missed out on four years of institutional friendship-building.
3. Third Spaces
Ray Oldenburg coined the term “third spaces” in the late 1980s. These are locations beyond home and work. Coffee shops. Book clubs. Meetups. Gyms. Libraries.
College graduates use these spaces more frequently. Cox found that “college graduates just seemed to be more involved in things like informal book clubs and meetups.” Non-degree holders are less likely to participate in these social settings.
The Decline of Traditional Institutions
This brings me back to Bowling Alone. Robert Putnam’s book documented the collapse of civic participation. Churches. Unions. Bowling leagues. Rotary clubs. These organizations created community for everyone.
But they’re disappearing. And their decline disproportionately harmed non-college-educated Americans. Why? Because college graduates replaced those institutions with new ones. Book clubs instead of church groups. CrossFit instead of bowling leagues. Meetup.com instead of union halls.
People without degrees lost their institutions. And they didn’t get replacements.
What You Can Do
This divide isn’t permanent. Cox offers practical advice. “Just get out of the house and spend time around where you live.”
Here’s what works:
- Find your third space. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Public libraries are free. So are park walking groups. Community centers offer cheap classes.
- Show up regularly. Friendship requires repetition. Go to the same coffee shop. Join the same pickup basketball game. Attend the same church service.
- Replace technology with humans. Cox warns: “We use technology to fill in the gap that at one point we would rely on another human.” Put down your phone. Talk to your neighbors.
- Host something small. You don’t need a college degree to throw a party. I wrote The 2-Hour Cocktail Party specifically for this. Small gatherings build real connections.
- Look for local institutions. Sports leagues. Volunteering. Hobby groups. These create the structure that friendships need.
The friendship divide is real. But it’s not destiny. Institutions create friendships. If the old institutions are gone, we need to build new ones.
And we need to make sure everyone has access.
This article draws on “The ‘Friendship Divide’ Explained” by Jonny Thomson, published in Big Think (October 2024). Cox’s research comes from “Disconnected: The Growing Class Divide in American Civic Life.”